An online affair may sound harmless but it can affect relationships and the people involved in it. The hurt and misery of the secret that you’ve just discovered online on a married dating service website that your husband or your wife signed up for, can be devastating. Your mind is no longer normal as it tries to connect the dots before you found out about his cheating in a married dating service website. The real evidence that your partner is cheating is right in front of you, as you browsed the profile with his or her status saying “single”, is already breaking your heart bit by bit. With your trust broken too, how can you go on living under one roof with that person? The puzzle is just too hard for you to solve and your partner only has the missing pieces and the answer to your questions.
You tried to be open about it with your partner as you weighed the circumstances. You’ve used the line “we need to talk” for desperate measures. You dreaded the thought of opening up to him or her about the cheating but you need an answer to your questions. Why did he cheat on you in the first place? With doubts and fears surrounding you, the gap expanding between you and your partner is now clear enough to see. You started to blame yourself for what happened. You decided to give the relationship another chance only to find that your spouse still has not changed. You can no longer contain the hurt of finding your spouse on an online married dating site for the second time around. You’ve become so paranoid that it is no longer healthy for you to be together anymore. You have tried everything to save the relationship. But the sad truth is, not all relationships can be saved. So what do you do after the break up? Here are 3 things you can do to keep your sanity and heal your broken heart.
With all that negative emotions raging, your system is probably dizzy, which is not a good time to make drastic decisions or changes in your life. The hurt, pain, anger, deception, doubts and fear inside of you can greatly contribute in making the wrong decisions. With your situation have already messed up you can’t afford of making any mistakes for the time being. Give it time to settle, don’t say anything or do anything out of frustration, you might regret it. Understand as much as you can that this too shall pass and that life changes constantly. The changes may not be off to your advantage but by keeping a positive outlook in life and not rushing into things will definitely turn your life out of the bad spot. Thinking of how miserable things are and how unfair life can be will further poison your inner being. Don’t rush into making stupid decisions such as spreading the news about your partners cheating and thinking of revenge. These decisions will only add up to your negative emotions and will make the healing process even slower or worse it may damage your life.
Don’t rush into bad mouthing or mud-slinging each other after the breakup will only reflect badly on you. Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist says “When a relationship falls apart a mature individual instinctively chooses to keep the details confidential, while there are a few who go to town mud-slinging each other.” She also added that “People need to understand that they don’t need to justify to others what went wrong in the relationship.” Think about it, let’s say you told a few of your girlfriends about your partner or spouse having an affair through married dating service websites; it will still not change the fact that he cheated on you. So if you have nothing nice or good to say, it is much better to keep it to yourself. Respect is important in a relationship and it is of importance as well once the relationship ends. The same goes in seeking for revenge. Find it deep within your heart to tame the wild beast of anger rather than thinking of destroying your life over some petty ideas of revenge. You may get yourself into trouble legally and it will only add up to your emotional pain. It will only make you feel worse that ever.
Deal With It
It is best to put the past behind and move on but you must deal with it first and recognize those feelings of hurt, pain, anger and fear. Dealing with those emotions is never easy but skipping it won’t do you any good at either. The memory of your partner cheating on you through married dating service online may get stuck in your thoughts for a while. And, If they have been using websites for married dating, you would find that the people on the top married dating websites are cheating spouses too . These married dating sites promise to help unhappy married people, but they don’t realize that they are playing with the emotions. So, don’t fall for it and meditate your way out of these thoughts. Meditation is normally done by sitting quietly. But if you are not the kind who normally does this, you can meditate and calm your anger by listening to music, painting a portrait by simply playing with colors or by reading a good book. These activities will help you focus on the NOW as you are completely present.
Dealing with emotional pain may take some time. We can create a positive outcome by tapping into our inner intelligence and creativity. It will help to harmonize heal our emotional pain and we all have access to that ability. Meditation is greatly part of this exercise, since we need to get in touch with our inner being to know and understand ourselves fully. In dealing with our emotional pain we need first to recognize it and identify what you are feeling exactly and why you are feeling this way. After identifying it, you can express it by simply writing it down. There is no need to blame anyone for what happened and there is no need to blame yourself either. By thinking and feeling this way you are slowly releasing the negative emotion by replacing it with positive thoughts and feelings. These feelings are yours and only you have the power to control it. Don’t let it take over you. So take the responsibility to create a positive change in your life. Transform yourself into something good.
Your efforts to rise above the bad state that you are in, has to be celebrated. Your mature way of looking at things positively has to be recognized as well. You just freed yourself from the emotional turbulence and underlying pain and you deserve a credit for it. Treat yourself and buy yourself a present, a flower or a nice dinner maybe. Buy yourself a new dress in anything that will honor your transformation.
Now you have read the three main steps on how to turn your life around after a breakup. It is still up to you if you take a different route to recovery. Your life after the break up will solely depend on you. Any outcome will be in your full responsibility. Any route will be successful as long as you channel your negative energies into a positive outlet.